The selection of the right surrogate mother is an important aspect of your decision to become parents, but this must be handled properly from a legal as well as communication perspective in order to make things easier for everyone involved. For that reason, every party should have access to an attorney who is familiar with the surrogate landscape.
While it might initially seem difficult to add firm legal aspects to your relationship, this is a critical way to manage communication effectively and to give everyone both the protection and privacy you have agreed upon in the past. With strong boundaries and clear expectations from the outset, the chances of confusion or frustration are diminished and everyone is more likely to feel comfortable.
Having a healthy relationship in a complex situation such as a surrogacy is important because it enables both parties to establish boundaries and to make sure that everyone is clear about their responsibilities as well their rights as this relationship evolves. When the surrogacy process finally begins with intended parents, it is an exciting moment but it is also one in which everyone needs to consider the dynamics of the relationship.
When the process begins getting serious and a surrogate or the intended parents realize that the relationship is not quite what they anticipated, this can cause anxiety and stress. Understanding the intended parents’ lack of control, creating a schedule for contacts that allows all parties to feel comfortable, communicating the needs of all relevant parties honestly and openly, and remaining flexible with the desires of the surrogate and the intended parent helps everyone to work together and stay on the same page during this special journey.
Treating the surrogate or any other party in the surrogacy relationship as you would like to be treated, can build trust and communication skills together and make things easier for everyone to adjust in what is likely an unfamiliar and potentially overwhelming scenario. Having an attorney to assist you with guiding you through the process of choosing a surrogate and managing this relationship effectively can minimize problems.