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What Not to Say to a Surrogate Mother

Many people are unfamiliar with the surrogacy process and struggle to understand how surrogacy works. As a result, they may say some insensitive things to surrogate mothers. However, compassion and care go a long way in supporting the amazing gift that a surrogate mother is giving to a couple wishing to grow their family. When you meet a surrogate mother, avoid these questions and statements.

“I Thought Only Celebrities Used Surrogate Mothers Because They Don’t Want Their Bodies to Change”

Surrogacy is utilized more often by couples who struggle to conceive and give birth to their own biological children than celebrities. There is a misconception that surrogacy is only for the rich and famous; however, surrogacy can actually help any couple grow their family in a meaningful and unique way.

“You Must Be Getting a Lot of Money for Being a Surrogate”

Few surrogate mothers do it for the money (and in SMI’s program, we don’t allow our surrogates to do this for the money, though it is always a factor), although it can appear that they are paid handsomely for their efforts. The truth is that the compensation often falls short of what a surrogate mother goes through to help a couple have a baby. Think of it as a 24-hour a day job for nine months. If a surrogate mother is getting paid $20,000, she really is only making approximately $3.30 per hour. For surrogate mothers, it’s really not about the money.

“What If You Don’t Want to Give Up the Baby?”

This is a question that gets frequently asked by people who struggle to understand surrogacy. A surrogate mother knows going in that she won’t be keeping the baby and that the baby inside her isn’t hers. And she’s emotionally okay with that. She was in the beginning and usually, that doesn’t change. She understands the gift she is giving and is glad to give it. Women who would have difficulty parting ways with the baby after birth typically don’t become surrogate mothers (and in SMI’s program, we have never had a case of failed surrogacy in 32 years of working with clients)

What You Can Say Instead

Being encouraging to a surrogate mother means more than you will ever know. Here are some positive things you can say:

  • You are giving a priceless gift to another family.
  • You’re strong.
  • I’m proud of you.
  • You’re doing a great job.

If you are interested in becoming a surrogate or want to grow your family through surrogacy, contact the trusted experts at Surrogate Mothers Inc. by calling 1-888-SURROGATE. We can help.

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